


Just Once

by Frappexo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Idek if this is actually angst, Implicit happy ending, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 19:06:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18394520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frappexo/pseuds/Frappexo
Summary: It’s been two weeks, yet Sehun feels as if Yixing and he had broken up yesterday. He misses him but he’s still trying to move on—that until one night someone unexpectedly knocks on his door.





	Just Once

**Author's Note:**

> The song for this story is:
> 
> **“I Don't Want To”** by **Alessia Cara**
> 
> You can find it [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/frappexo/playlist/2yB6x1MZxY6RwEth58qFAf) .  
> 
> 
>  
> 
>   
> •*.¸¸.•*✦*•.¸¸.*•
> 
>  
> 
>   
> **DISCLAIMER**  
>   
>  I do not own anything that is not the story itself. I am not affiliated with EXO or SM Entertainment, and I take no responsibility for the misuse and/or misinterpretation of the content posted here.
> 
> Any similarity that this fanfiction and/or the character(s) may have with another fanfiction or real-life events, is mere coincidence.  
>   
>  **English is not my first language.**  
> 

 

Darkness flooded the room, but Sehun could perfectly define the shape of the closet. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at it. He had more than engraved in his mind how the inside looked like if he opened its doors. In one half were his clothes, folded and hung, just as always. And on the other, an empty space that had been occupied not even two weeks ago.

He would be lying if he said that he had got used to it—not only to the closet, but to the apartment in general. Every single room reminded him of Yixing. Sehun could see themselves eating in the dining room; cooking or washing the dishes in the kitchen; reading, watching movies, cuddling or dancing in the living room. Standing in the balcony on winter, wrapped in a blanket just enjoying the cold breeze. He could see Yixing sleeping, with the moonlight coming through the window in the bedroom and washing him completely, looking like the most perfect being he had ever seen in his life.

His fingertips could still feel the softness of Yixing’s hair and skin, and his eyes could still remember the countless times they had traveled along Yixing’s body, finding and loving every single scar and mole. His nose could still register Yixing’s scent in the air, even if it had long since disappeared. And his lips could definitely still rekindle the kisses they had shared in every single corner of the apartment.

He somehow found interesting how one day you had something that seemed to be perfect, and then, without even noticing how, or when, or why, it simply faded away, as if it had never been there in the first place. It was part of life, Sehun guessed. To go through sudden changes and learn to live with what was brought with them.

He himself was still trying to figure out how to deal with his own life’s changes. Yixing had become a fundamental pillar in his life, but now that he wasn’t here, Sehun felt that a part of him had been torn off and replaced by a hole in his chest.

He had tried to convince himself that it had been the right decision. That letting Yixing go had been the best he could do. But no matter how hard he tried, there was no way his heart could understand that Yixing was gone. It missed him; needed him. It yearned to feel him close and synchronize its heartbeat with that of Yixing’s own heart.

There was, however, no way for his heart to get what it wanted. They had promised to put a big distance between them, hoping they wouldn’t be weak enough to run back to each other’s arms. It had hurt, but Sehun had let it happen, with the certainty that Yixing would be better that way—even if that had meant that he would have to sacrifice his own well-being. He hadn’t cared and now he was facing the consequences of it.

Throughout the last two weeks, he had been standing on the edge between sadness and acceptance.

Some days he had had the fortune of waking up and seeing the sun shine. He could tell himself that everything would be fine; that he could continue with his life as it was before Yixing had appeared. And if he tried hard enough, sometimes the emptiness in his chest became almost imperceptible.

Sehun wasn’t always lucky, though. There had been other days when he hadn’t seen the sun shining, even if it was coming through the windows. And those days had been the worst, because a huge wave of emotions grew inside him, threatening to drag and hold him back in the bottom of the sea, far from the shore where he could be safe.

He had gone through this process a few times before, but never had it hurt as much as this one. Yixing was special to him in more ways than anybody else had ever been, and Sehun was sure that forgetting him would take longer than what he wanted. He had once heard that people overcame breakups in half the time the relationship had lasted and he was scared. He had barely made it through a pair of weeks; how was he supposed to deal with it for the next two years?

Sighing, he got up and pulled out a shirt and a pair of sweats from the closet, getting ready to sleep. It wasn’t even midnight, but he had nothing better to do, and sleeping helped him forget his reality.

Once back in the bed, he completely ignored Yixing’s empty side and got in, burying himself deep in the blankets. He had been trying to sleep with his back to that side, so as not to feel Yixing’s absence. That way he could pretend that he had always lived alone and Yixing had never been there. That he was a random person Sehun had met once; someone who wasn’t important. That he didn’t miss him and didn’t want him back. That he was alright and didn’t love him anymore.

But there were nights when the empty spot beside him felt impressively big, overwhelming him and not letting him sleep—and tonight was one of those nights.

With his eyes closed, Sehun took a few deep breaths, trying to relax. He just needed to calm down and ignore his surroundings, and then sleepiness would come by itself. But the more he tried, the more awake he felt. He rolled on the bed and changed the position of his pillow once, twice, thrice. He got rid of the blankets, kicking them away, but it didn’t work. There was something— _someone_ —that was missing.

“It’s alright, Sehun. You’re alright,” he mumbled, with his eyes still closed.

He rolled once again, facing the ceiling. He took yet another deep breath but there was no sign that he would calm down soon. Frustration was taking over him and the more time it passed, the more helplessness he felt. It was as though an invisible rock was crushing him and his chest heaved weirdly, in a poorly attempt to stop his emotions getting out of control. He felt something wetting his ears and he rubbed his eyes, wiping away the tears he hadn’t even noticed were there.

Uneven breaths were the only sounds that could be heard in the room and Sehun hated it. He rolled again, until he was face down on Yixing’s side. He hugged the pillow that had once been Yixing’s and buried his face in it. It was a futile attempt to find something, _anything_ , that assured him that Yixing had slept there. But when he found nothing, he pressed his face even more against it, so it would absorb his tears. He couldn’t breathe properly, but he didn’t care. He missed Yixing and he needed him. He wanted to have him there and never let him go.

Not being aware of how much time it had passed, when he finally felt that he was back in control of his emotions, a knock on the door made him remove his face from the pillow. He wasn’t sure whether it had been just his imagination, so he remained motionless, waiting. Then the knock was there again and Sehun straightened up. Rubbing his face and wiping any trace of tears, he got out of bed and headed to open the door.

He didn’t even bother to look through the peephole. He simply unlocked the door and opened. Once he looked up, all the air left his lungs and his heart began to beat a mile per hour. Of all the people Sehun could’ve thought about, never would’ve it crossed his mind that this person in particular would show up tonight, standing awkwardly in front of him and wearing only his pajamas.

“Hi…”

Yixing looked exceptionally smaller than what Sehun remembered him ever being. He also looked tired, with dark circles probably as bad as those Sehun himself had. He was pale, even more than what he already was, and he seemed to have lost weight, too.

It reminded Sehun of that one time when Yixing had ended in the hospital because of a pneumonia. It had started with a simple, normal cold; with a runny nose, a sore throat, and a few sneezes here and there. It had lasted for around four or five days and then Yixing had got better. But then the symptoms came back, and lot worse than the first time.

Yixing had dismissed it, arguing it was just the cold again. Sehun, however, had a feeling that it wasn’t that. He confirmed his suspicious when one night after coming home, he had found Yixing unconscious in the living room, drenched in sweat and with a burning fever. He didn’t remember how he had managed to get to the hospital, or the time when he had called Yixing’s parents, but he did remember that those had been some of the worst days of his life.

Sehun stared at the man in front of him, wondering if something was wrong. Yixing didn’t look fine and worry suddenly flooded his system as fast as water flooded the table if you spilled your glass.

“Is everything alright?”

Yixing nodded twice, and then shook his head other two times. He tried to nod again, but he looked in conflict with himself, so he ended up looking everywhere but Sehun.

At that moment, all that Sehun wanted to do was to pull Yixing close and tell him that everything was fine, but he restrained himself. He didn’t know what was happening and he wasn’t going to make a fool of himself just because he needed to feel Yixing close.

“Are you okay?” he asked again.

Yixing finally looked at him and raised his eyebrows slightly, surprised at the question. He took his time to think what he was going to say, gripping his phone with both hands—and as he thought, the reality of their situation hit Sehun like a truck. Yixing was just three steps away from him, yet he couldn’t do anything but look at him. And from now on, if he ever had the chance to see him again, it would have to be like that.

“I… I am,” Yixing finally said and a shaky breath left Sehun’s lips. He had also missed his voice. “I think I am, but…”

Sehun’s heart skipped a beat. He didn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue.

“I thought I was just stressed, you know? But days have gone by and…” Yixing gripped tighter his phone, turning his knuckles white. “And I still can’t sleep.”

Yixing had barely mumbled those last words, but Sehun had heard them. He had heard them loud and clear and when he understood the meaning behind them, the air got stuck in his throat. His heart was beating at an abnormal speed and he was sure that it would burst out of his chest at any moment.

He stared at him, not knowing what to say; how to react. At his lack of reaction, Yixing’s nervousness became more evident and Sehun felt a huge lump in his throat.

“I… I know it’s over, but could we just—“ Yixing bit his lip, unconsciously letting his shoulders fall. His chest had somehow managed to heave at the same speed as Sehun’s and it was evident that he was struggling to finish his sentence. “Can we sleep together tonight? Just once.”

Yixing was distressed. Sehun knew it and he could relate. He himself was going through the same wave of emotions and it was suffocating him. He needed to breathe.

“Please…” Yixing whispered and a lonely tear ran down his cheek.

He quickly wiped it away, but Sehun had seen it; and as if on cue, Sehun’s eyes clouded with his own tears. His lips began to tremble and when the first tear dropped, he slowly opened his arms.

Yixing let out a shaky breath and his eyes filled with tears. He looked at Sehun for a moment before closing the distance between them and burying his face on the crook of Sehun’s neck.

Sehun placed a hand on the back of Yixing’s head and hugged him tightly. Then, the emptiness suddenly disappeared, giving way to a huge relief. Relief that the torture was finally over; that they were finally where they belonged.

He wiped his tears with one hand and finally smiled.

It had only been two weeks, but it had been more than enough to let him see what he wanted—he wanted to be with Yixing and share with him the best and worst moments of his life; to love him and grow old by his side. And as he kissed Yixing’s forehead, he promised that it would be that way, because he wasn’t willing to let him go. He didn’t want to and he was sure that he wouldn’t, not even once.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Jeez, I hate making them suffer. :)))))) But it was something that I had in mind and I needed to get it done. Not because of the idea, but because of the super huge and horrible writer’s block I had with Gingerbread Wish. Now my mind’s clear—kinda—so I’m going back to it. Yay! ♥
> 
> Anyway, this is actually the shortest thing I’ve ever written, which is pretty surprising haha but I hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Thanks for reading! Have a nice day/night! ♥(:


End file.
